You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
