I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
