Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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