did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
