My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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