just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
