I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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