That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
