In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
