why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
