Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
My penis needs a shock collar
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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