Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
