and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
