do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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