I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
