I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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