i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
i've created a new STD.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
