i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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