Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
When did angry sex become our thing?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
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