...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
