just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
