Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
