My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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