You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
