Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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