you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
