I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
