god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
