Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
