Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
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