walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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