i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
