this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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