I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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