I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
