So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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