I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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