1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
