New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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