What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
