Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Sober January is a disaster.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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