I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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