New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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