they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
