Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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