Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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