we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
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