Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
