Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
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