a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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