Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
