i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
