I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
You have to summon your inner elephant
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
